Conflict Resolution
In Life there is going to be conflict. The key to remember is not to lose control and
slip out of the Adult Emotional Stage (PAIRS For Life pg 36-37). We need to communicate with the capasity to demonstrate Good Will.
· The Infant – feels need but can only cry and must wait for the other person to figure out what the problem may be.
· The Child – remains dependent on others for their needs with hurt feelings, fear & resentment.
· The Adolescent – is rebellious and has a need to proove they are not dependent.
· The Adult – is open to learning, growing and has a willingness to change.
Both parties must function as an Emotional Adult to resolve problems while giving each other support and caring.
Remember our structured tool for positively soluving conflict. The Fair Fight for Change (PAIRS For Life pg 43-49)
1. Invite yout partner to have a FFFC
2. Think about your compleint
3. State the Complaint (one specific behavior)
4. Partner repeats what you said
5. Show Appreciation
6. State the change you want your partner to make
7. Partner repeats what you said
8. Show Appreciation
9. Partner Responds
10. Continue the ten steps until a solution is reached
This tool is used to solve an issue that is creating frustration or resentment in your relationship. It works well because it helps slow down the emotions and provides structure to talk about a specific complaint and come to a win-win solution.
Using this tool will strengthen Good Will within your relationship by putting into clear words what is bothering you.